This page is not to be edited. All lines are directly copied from the Portal Stories: Mel script and thusly are accurate.

Cave Johnson[edit | edit source]

  • Is this thing on? Ah, OK. [clears throat] Greetings, astronaut, war hero, or Olympian! My name’s Cave Johnson. And boy, do I have something to show you.
  • You’re here because you’re the best the world has to offer. I don’t say that lightly, mind you, so take that as one of the biggest compliments you’ll ever get in your life! Even if you don’t know who I am! In the beginning, I started a shower curtain company, making asbestos-laden shower curtains for the military, but I kept dreaming bigger and better.
  • And you know, that dreaming became doing. Lots of doing. Which brought you here. You’re riding into the little Michigan town of...wait, where are we again? Uh-huh... OK, so, this town doesn’t have a name yet, as we’re the ones who built it. BUT, that doesn’t matter. Point is, you’re riding there. And you’ll soon be at...Aperture: Science Innovators.
  • We’re still getting some of this stuff together, but there’s a lot of science we can do in the meantime. You’ve been selected from a large group of candidates for a special test in our temporary testing areas. When the train arrives at the station, head into the town and into the Aperture building. Don’t worry though, you’ll know where it is. You’ll get some more pre-recorded messages once you’re there. Now, get ready to do some science! In the meantime, we’re going to put on some nice music for you. Enjoy the ride!
  • Alright, you’re now arriving Aperture Central statoion...um, wait. Chris, get over here. How do you spell 'station?' Think about that for a second. How does station have an extra 'O' before the 'I?' Alright, listen to me. Pack your things because you are fired! Get out of my office! Gah, I can’t re-record that message...
  • Now, as I said, there’s a lot we’re still working on. Watch your step on your way out. And a reminder: Aperture Science Innovators is not responsible for any injury you sustain, up to and including death by exposure to cosmic ray spallation. Don’t worry, though, we haven’t had an accident like that in 3 days! (sound of papers rustling) Nope, sorry, make that 3 minutes.
  • We here at Aperture Science Innovators love to give back to the community. So instead of just giving back, we made our own community! Entirely made out of Aperture Science Malleable Concrete on top of the salt mines! And that’s exactly why you shouldn’t touch the walls or stomp your feet either. Last thing we need is to touch up a dent in the wall because someone was too hands-on.
  • I told you it was easy to find! You’ve found it faster than...any test subject on record! [mumbles] God that’s not good... Anyway, just head through the door on the right to the elevator. You’ll know the way to go.
  • So, at first I wanted to put in a long flight of stairs that wound around through the old salt mines down here, give the test subjects a great view of my place. But no! The zoning boards and my bean counters said that’s why they invented elevators! So when someone in a wheelchair threatened to sue, my former boys chickened out on me and built this elevator to go to our temporary offices. I’m still working on those stairs and those guys are working on getting a new job! The stairs aren’t ready though, so get on the stupid elevator.
  • Here at Aperture, we’re always trying to push the boundaries of science that little bit more. That’s why we’re taking on this new project. When the bean counters told me not to buy a salt mine to do all this science, the first thing they said was 'No, there’s too much space! You can’t suspend something over nothing and pray that a test can happen in thin air!' Well, thanks to some use of the old calculator between the ears and the old ’You’re fired!’ stamp, I came up with the final solution to that. If you can’t anchor something in thin air, why bother trying to make it in the air in the first place! I came up with this...
  • Introducing the Aperture Science Innovators Suspended Testing Sphere. Each sphere is suspended in the air anchored to the walls concrete and steel lattice rebar. They seem like the float in the air, but in fact, they don’t! Plus, we can keep building above them. Onward and upward! This salt mine here can take at least 10 of these spheres...per shaft! Nine shafts, 90 tests! We can test whatever we want to, and beat out that other company...Black Mesa...those guys can kiss my...[murmuring from someone else over the mic] Anyway, the bean counters cried at the cost of something like this like big babies, but they wet their pants when I threw them out the door! I pay the bills, I make the decisions ’round here. And I hire and fire as I please! The first of these should be ready in a few more months, so you’ll be participating in one of our smaller tests: the Aperture Science Innovators Short-Term Relaxation Vault.
  • When you get to the offices, I’ll let you in on a bit more. This test should be really easy for you though. Just get inside one of the Aperture Science Innovators Short-Term Relaxation Vaults and lay in a bed! You’ll feel yourself fall asleep quickly. Don’t worry though, our science boys will get you out shortly. You’ll be out for only a few minutes, an hour at most if something goes wrong. We’ve got everything under control. You’ll be making science! And you won’t have to do a thing! Who’s the winner here? You are.
  • So, as I said on the last pre-recorded message, you’ll be heading into an Aperture Science Innovators Short-Term Relaxation Vault for a quick, deep sleep...and then you’re done! That’s why you came here at night; you’re most likely a walking zombie. That’ll give us the best results. But just remember, don’t sleep too long. This isn’t a bed and breakfast and if you decide to stay the night, I’m charging you rent for the next year. We’ll have a bed ready for you, just follow the testing area signs and go to bed. Don’t mind the turrets; they’re firing blanks. Least that’s what Crazy Harry told me. Had 6 science boys disappear because of him.
  • Don’t worry, those turrets won’t kill you. The safety on their guns is on. Had some lab boys shut them down. Crazy Harry lied to me.
  • If you’re hearing this message, you’re at the sleeping chambers. Caroline, is the test ready?
  • Then you’re good to go. Step into the chamber and get into the bed. Our lab boys will take care of the rest.
  • Those of you that smoke may want to steer clear of this next one. We've coated the propulsion gel in gasoline... thought it might increase the accelleration properties of the gel. Turns out it's just extremely flammable...and ignites... when you run on it.
  • Your motor skills may drop during this next test, we put a bunch of grey-matter emancipation grills in the chamber. Don't worry though! If you somehow make it to the end without becoming a vegetable, we can provide you with a brand new brain... probably.
  • The local zoo made an offer we couldn't refuse, so you may encounter several grizzly bears and or lions in this next test...
  • This next chamber is a giant microwave. If your internal organs begin to combust, you may want to start solving the test quicker.
  • We painted subliminal messaging all over the walls in this next test, so if you feel the sudden urge to buy a bunch of Aperture Science merchandise afterwards, we'll count that as a success.

Caroline[edit | edit source]

  • Yes sir, Mr. Johnson!

Virgil(Spoilers)[edit | edit source]

  • Is...Is this thing on? Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Oh, right, you can’t answer. [clears throat] I’m so sorry, astronaut, Olympian, or war hero...there was a...slight problem with the test. Don’t worry, though, we got you out OK. Nothing’s different, nothing’s changed. Just...head out of the chamber. I’ll tell you a bit more out there.
  • Uh, don’t worry about that, don’t worry. It’s just, um, uh...a new drilling test we’re doing down below. Yeah, to get the salt mines deeper to get more testing spheres in. Yeah, that’s it. Just, ignore that.
  • Don’t mind all this too. We’ve just had...um, earthquakes. Lots of earthquakes, yeah. Get lots of those here in Michigan.
  • Don’t worry about the height. Had a few of my scientists make what’s called Long Fall Bo...I mean...Aperture: Science Innovators Long-Fall...Boots... [mumbles] Huh, that was easier to think up than I thought...
  • Pick that yellow device up. Don’t worry, it’s not hazardous. I’ve had the scientists leave you a...new device to help you. Yeah, that’s right, a new test! Congratulations! You get to test something else now! Double the experiments for you!
  • There’s an open door nearby. Should take you out of the building. You’ll need that new test to move around ...Don’t worry though! We built the building like this!
  • These earthquakes even shook up time a bit...some stuff from the future got here. Yeah, that’s how it’s here. Don’t worry, it’s still 1952. Adlai Stevenson is still president...
  • Alright, so, the earthquakes...kind of did some...redecorating in here. Destroyed the door too. You’ll have to find another way out.
  • There’s gotta be something you can use to launch yourself over the door. There has to be another way out.
  • I know things might look different than what you’re used to, but uh, while you were spending that little, little time sleeping, we had some, some uh...Aperture Science nanomachines come in and build all this stuff! Yeah, that’s it! They’re quick little guys, faster than any science guy I’ve got.
  • Beyond that door is one of the new testing tracks. Totally completely new. Get through it and head to the first testing sphere. I’ll let you know more there.
  • Now, I just want to make sure you know something before you go any further. We have these new inventions called Emancipation Grids in place to prevent objects from moving around to other tests. Now, some guy decided that it would be a good idea to make ones that prevent people from going through. And installed one where people needed to go through.
  • If you turn the power off, you can easily turn it back on. That switch isn’t like the rest of them. The others trip a circuit breaker that causes an entire part of the facility’s power grid to blow up. So remember. The one in here is good. All others, bad.
  • Remember you can always easily turn the power on or off again.
  • Head inside the building again, try to see if you can do something with the power turned off.
  • Head inside the building again, try to see if you can do something with the power turned on.
  • I think these switches were designed for two people. Maybe your… erm… new test can help!
  • The new testing track is just through here!
  • Oh! That’s meant to happen! Just to test... er... your… reflexes! You know, after your short sleep!
  • Ah yes, Bravo Volta, the...hold on...fifth testing track. Yes, fifth. You’ll need a portal device to get through. Um, sorry...I meant a portable...quantum...tunneling...device. Look, it’s in your hands right now! The scientists did their job! You’ll do fine.
  • Now, everything about this test is lead-lined, according to my 1950s notes, here in my 1950s filing cabinet. Says it’s harmful to humans, I mean...not harmful to humans. You’ll be OK. Perfectly fine. Nothing to worry about...Oh, and don’t worry about the boxes. We’ve got a ton backstocked ready for this kind of thing. Thrown at the wall, destroyed, rinse and repeat. Useless little things. Made them in an hour.
  • Phew! Good, you’re not dead. That means that high toxicity lead didn’t get in the air and...I mean, uh...Great job, astronaut, Olympian, or war hero! You really are a merit to science...or something like that...Just remember the Nuremberg Olympics!
  • Now, see, this test uses the new Aperture Science Innovators Propulsion Gel. It allows you to...no, wait...hold on...
  • This record says they didn’t make that until the seventies...
  • Never you mind that. Just solve science!
  • Alright, hold up a second Mel. I don’t think you’re that stupid that you’re going to fall for this anymore. I’ll be blunt now: I’m not Cave Johnson. This isn’t the 1950s. Everyone you knew and loved is dead. And now you’re stuck here in Aperture Science, down with the trash. Like me.
  • After everyone left because of that boat.
  • Which I’m sure you already knew, but eh, whatever. However...I can get us out of here, if you’re willing to let a voice in the sky who just told you he was lying the entire time he was talking to you control nearly every movement you make. Is that OK? I’ll...I’ll just take your silence as yes...Right...you can’t answer me. Gaah, just do what I say and you’ll be fine, OK?
  • So, about before...you can get why I said all that, right? I’d rather not have my one chance of escape have a panic attack and die on me after years of being suspended in a faulty relaxation vault, which could be a real possibility because as my records show, that old test could cause heart attacks after small exposure to the chemicals. And you were pumped full of them. So, let’s all just take a breath and start over. My name’s Virgil. I’m a core from up in the Enrichment Center. Before you even think of asking, yes, there’s a building above you and yes I came from it. I’m not crazy. Don’t be too alarmed, though. A lot’s changed since you got put on ice.
  • Good job Mel...see that pipe there, that the repulsion gel’s leaking on? That’ll take you to the pumping station. Jump down and walk on it. Oh, and try not to fall off. That goo down there’s corrosive, and it doesn’t like human skin.
  • Alright, I know what you’re thinking...what on earth is going on here? Well, Aperture’s early tests...weren’t always that successful. You were unlucky. That was the worst tests Cave Johnson ever greenlit. But, it’s nice for me to have an Olympian at my disposal. Yeah, I have that information from you at the 1936 Nuremberg Olympics. You should have gotten that silver medal!
  • Now, according to my records of this room, there should be a turret shooting range at the far side of the room. If you can get through there, you should be able to get to the fourth testing track. That’ll take you up to where I am.
  • The Propulsion gel pump seems to be offline. You got to turn it on somehow. There’s a control room above you. Find a way to get up there. Now.
  • Huh. That was odd. Normally when people do that sort of thing they just fly through the hole in the wall. Guess not this time.
  • Good, that gel should help you get past those turrets!
  • Good, you got around that. There should be an override switch on the wall. If you pull it, it will open the door!
  • Ah, great. Should be a straight shot to the next testing track. Go to that door down at the very end. You know, the one with the giant wheel on it.
  • Do it again. It’ll open this time, I swear. Just give it some elbow grease.
  • Oh, come on! You’ve got this! One more shot.
  • Well, great. You can fling yourself all over the place and get past some old turrets that are firing live rounds, but you can’t get a door open?! What kind of Olympian are you! Gaaah! Alright, let’s see what we can do... there’s a longer route through a repulsion gel pumping station. Guess you’re going to have to go that way.
  • So, there’s two ways out of that room. Both are on catwalks up near the top of the room. Consider yourself lucky; they seem to still be intact...mostly, unlike everything else down in this pit. Go through there. There’s a connecting bridge to the next testing tack over there.
  • You can get through this pumping station and prepare yourself to get out of BRAVO VOLTA, into the LIMA WHISKEY testing track. That should bring you closer to me, and to your own escape from this facility!
  • Aaaaand our good luck just ran out. I can’t override the locks to that test chamber. Maybe...maybe there’s a way...over it? See if there’s anything you can use.
  • Alright, look...I’m sorry for what I said back there. [sigh] We’re in this together. You’re my ticket out of this junkyard down here, I’m your ticket to the outside world. I’ll...I’ll do my best to keep the insults at a minimum. Just...try harder next time.
  • Good, you know how to find the elevator out of here. Don’t get me wrong, I admire your enthusiasm, but I would have told you if that was working. They boarded it up when they kept building above this facility. Sorry, but that’s not gonna do anything. The chairs are comfy, though!
  • Sorry to say this, but there’s nothing of value up there. Nothing at all. You’re wasting your time. Nothing life-changing up there at all!
  • See? I told you. Mel...we need to talk. I know some cores lie really badly about things like that, but I was telling the truth. Trust me a little more. Oh, and I hope you enjoy the long walk down!
  • Um...I kind of have a bit of bad news. Yeah, yeah, I know, you don’t want to hear any more bad news after the security override I couldn’t do. My records of this sphere are...out of date to say the least. There should be an exit after the third section of this test. However...I don’t know if getting there will be that easy. You’ve got it in you, though. You’re my Olympian...who might not have a beating heart anymore...
  • Wait a second...I’m getting some...strange voice coming through. I’ll patch it through.
  • That’s coming up from New Apert…
  • What the?! My scans are going nuts! Something’s happening! That sphere is unstable! Get out of there! RUN!!!
  • Holy smokes!
  • That explosion blew the whole toxic goo pump station apart! It’s letting flood waters out! We’ve got to get out of here! It’s not safe! Get through the control centers! There’s a transition seal leading up to where I am! Hurry! Before this whole place floods or comes down!
  • Your life is at stake and you’re going to walk up the stairs? With falling rocks everywhere? I get you’re an Olympic track runner and all, but what’s wrong with you?!
  • The place is exploding, rocks are falling everywhere, and you’re taking the elevator?! What if the power went out?! You’d be trapped!
  • You’ve got to get out of there! This room’s filling with smoke!
  • Good, at least you won’t suffocate in this room, but you still need to find a way to get to the transition seal! Is there anything you can use to put out the fire or something?
  • Woah! Don’t do that! You want to bring the place down on your head?!
  • I’m reading you blew a water pipe. I got an idea! There’s got to be water pouring out somewhere!
  • I...I can’t believe that worked! Oh, right...get going, before something else happens.
  • Wow! If you’d been there a few seconds earlier you’d have been incinerated! Thank the maker you weren’t, though. *quick sigh* I need the muscle.
  • OK, bad news. When the pump station blew, the floodgates opened up wide. Toxic goo’s rising fast; the sensors maxed out ages ago. Warning lights are going crazy all around. This just got a lot more serious.
  • Alright, you’re a Quality Control Center 95-D. Only a bit further and you’ll be at the hatch up to me. Hurry! I’ll try to slow the goo down a bit!
  • Gah, the door won’t open from this side! Maybe there’s...some way around or something?
  • Great job Mel, you’re on the other side of that door now! Yes! Very good! Oh great! Another blocked corridor *sigh*
  • So, Mel, why don’t you take your time and look around here. I’ll try to slow the rising goo down a little bit harder I guess… Just don’t take all day…
  • Gaaah, you can almost reach the air vent, but it seems a bit too high to jump in. The desk can help, but it doesn’t look to be high enough. Try to find something to climb on.
  • Maybe that cube will help you reach the airvent!
  • The doors are locked? Um... back in the day the wiring was a bit strange some times. Try turning some machinery on, see if that also unlocks the doors.
  • Wow, th-that actually worked? Great!
  • Well, that’s just great. Can’t we get through a room once without stuff blowing up or blocking our way?! Gah! Try to find some water again or something.
  • Great. From there, there’s just the vault. Don’t get comfy, though. I’ve pulled the plug on some emergency runoff dams, but the goo’s still rising.
  • Wow, this place is massive! Whoever built this place must be a great architect.
  • Up high, at the backside of this room is a control panel, it controls the hatch, try to get there!
  • My records show that at least two people were needed to activate the vault hatch. You’re one person. There’s a bit of a problem there. I’m sure you can figure something out.
  • Ah, great! You’re smarter than I thought! Not a genius like me, but still. Take the elevator up to me. I’m in the junkyard just outside the hatch. It’s finally time for me to repay my end of the deal.
  • You’re a short walk to the new Enrichment Center from here. We’ll meet up shortly. And good news, we’re not going to have to worry about the goo eating us alive! I’ll seal the hatch and we don’t have to worry about that anymore! That’s definitely a plus.
  • Ah, great! You’re here! I can finally get out of this technological nightmare! If you can get into the offices, I’m saved! You just might have to get around a few security fences though...trying to keep the giant, human-eating rats out.
  • Hey! Heeeeey! Over heeeere! I’m right over heeeeere!
  • Hey! The floor’s getting quite cold here!
  • Hey, Mel, nice to finally see you! It’s kind of dark here, though. You should turn the power on, so we can get the lights working! There’s more offices on the other side of the double doors. Check there. Turn on the power first, then pick me up.
  • I know it’s been a while since you had company, but just leave me for two minutes. I promise I won’t go anywhere!
  • I literally can’t go anywhere, please just turn the power on!
  • No, no, no. Please, turn the power on first!
  • You’re not very good at listening are you?
  • Come on, seriously?
  • Are you scared of the light or something?!
  • This stopped being funny five minutes ago!
  • You solve all those hard tests and you can’t figure out how to turn a light on?!
  • Are you broken?! I didn’t know humans could break!
  • Am I speaking in an accent that is beyond your range of hearing?! I give up. Just leave me!
  • Lights, check, camera, check, action? Hopefully not!*
  • sigh* So much for no action. Come back and pick me up!
  • NOW you can pick me up!
  • Phew, good. That floor was getting very cold. My motherboard was almost going critical! Alright, I know what you’re thinking. 'Hey, Mr. Virgil core-guy, how were you able to control everything and see everything in the old testing facility?' Well, one simple answer: Wi-Fi! I’m fully Wi-Fi capable! Anyway, take me over to the elevator control room. There’s a management rail I can use to get back up to the Enrichment Center. Oh and, I er… can also get an elevator for you!
  • Ah, much better! Good to be back on track again! Let me go back here and get your elevator so we can get out of here! Yes!
  • This should help.
  • That wasn’t me … I think!
  • Override generator override command!
  • Well, at least I can get you out of here now! We’ll worry about that voice on the intercom later. I’ll meet you upstairs!
  • The elevator wasn’t going to go to my testing track, so I’ve rerouted the lift. Luckily for you, it’s not too far away. These things can take forever sometimes...and there’s no magazines to read! So annoying!
  • Welcome to my testing track! Is’s not the best looking thing in the world, but it’ll do. Let’s see if I can just get this door open and get us out of here...
  • OK, sorry, I can’t help you with this testing track, all Aperture Science AI's have been programmed to not help with solving the tests. I, can, however test to see if everything still works. It’s been a while since I fell off that management rail and plummeted down into that pit, so maybe some stuff broke in my absence. Checking the funnel...
  • Working. Fizzler.
  • Changing over. Aaaand toxic goo drainage pipe.
  • Eaten away by toxic, corrosive goo. Oh lovely. Eh, that’s not important. You can do this test just fine. I hope...
  • She couldn’t even open a locked door...
  • Excellent! I knew you could do it! The door should just open by itself now.
  • Great, just great! It seems you tipped off...whatever that thing is to our presence. It has taken control of the testing track.
  • Mel, where do you think you’re going? Be careful! I’ve heard rumors about some creepy guy living in the service areas.
  • Find anything interesting back there?
  • Oh, look! You can get out through there! There’s a door to another testing track.
  • Well...so much for that...
  • I’ll keep trying to take control back. In the meantime, keep going through the testing track.
  • I’m still working here. Seems like I’ve got to hack this thing. Come on, Wi-Fi, don’t fail me now! I’ve got a good signal strength!
  • Yes! I finally broke into that thing’s servers. I’ll try and learn more about what’s going on, but I’ll keep you posted.
  • Hmm… It seems that thing is using some biological tracking to find out where you are. Get into the elevator to the next test, I’ll need a little bit more time to get us removed from the system.
  • I think we’ll be clear for a little bit, but somehow I can’t get access to the final target...or even learn what it is. Whatever it is, it’s enough to cause this thing to blow up the toxic goo pump control down in the salt mines.
  • I just tripped an alarm in that thing’s mainframe, it completely locked me out!
  • Firewall eh? Fire, wall, that just gave me an idea, I’m going to reroute some of the water to the AEGIS servers, that should shut the firewall down!
  • Mel, are you alright?
  • Haha! The plan to flood the servers worked! I should be able to get you back in the testing track. Let me open these for you.
  • laughs*
  • Well, with those servers gone, I think he’ll have a much harder time tracking our movements. I’m working on getting control of the elevators, so just hold on. Get through this test, and I’ll get you out of here.
  • laughs* I got some control again! There’s another lift transfer down below. Hold on. Activating the elevator...now!
  • Rerouting the elevator worked, that got its attention. Don’t expect this to get any easier now. Keep going. There’s an easy test track up ahead, maybe you can gain some ground on it.
  • So, you can handle a lot of harder tests. This is a brand new introduction track, designed for new test subjects. You should do this really quickly. I’ve got a plan.
  • Mel! Over here!
  • Change of plans. I found a panel that I could move out of the way. Portal down to that catwalk in the distance. I’ll tell you more there.
  • So, I was thinking. If this computer has scanners searching for biological substances, maybe there can be some interference. You know, with things like plants! There’s an overgrown testing track across the facility that hasn’t been converted yet. If we can get there, I think we can confuse it.
  • This again? You can’t even open a door? Unbelievable! I gotta do everything around here...
  • grunt* Perfect, just perfect! The button’s blown a fuse. Maybe if you get up to an upper level you can get the elevator.
  • Alright, listen. I was able to hack into that system and run a basic diagnostic before I got booted. The computer is known as the 'Aperture Employee Guardian and Intrusion System,' or AEGIS for short. It looks to be a security mainframe, trying to protect the scientists logged in its system. It hasn’t been turned on in decades, maybe that’s why it’s after us and...whatever that last threat is. Maybe it thinks we killed the scientists.
  • Alright, I’ve finally got access to some schematics of this place. I can guide you to that overgrown testing track now to cover our tracks. Head through the corridor to the left. Should take you through the work-in-progress test chambers.
  • Gaaaah, why on earth is it always such a problem to get from point A to point B when you’re outside of the testing tracks?! That red laser on the wall seems to be controlling that door. You should probably find a way to block it.
  • Well, well, always well prepared! I guess you already knew that somehow that cube would come in handy. Have you done this before?
  • Maybe you can find a way back to the test chamber you were in before through the observation room... if that isn’t blocked as well. There could be something useful in there.
  • Gaah, he’s onto you again. Keep moving!
  • Great! Through there is a crappy back-stocked chamber GLaDOS was designing before her demise. Never finished, but it should be at least working.
  • You dodged a bullet on that one. I told you to be careful. Next time might not be so forgiving.
  • Ha! He thinks you’re going to use the elevator?
  • NO NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
  • It’s going to kill you!
  • Well, he’s in for a nice surprise! There are tubes on the side you can use to get towards the overgrown testing track.
  • Alright, this next test chamber is still under construction. Generally, they need to be tested at least three times before they’re finalized. Some people just can’t count further than that I guess.
  • Hmm, turrets hey? Let’s see what I can do! How about I fire up the lasers!
  • Deep pit? How about a hard light bridge!
  • Oh, it’s only test difficulty this time? I’m sure you can handle it! Just make sure to dodge the bullets again!
  • Alright, good, looks like it doesn’t know where the elevator is heading to. Up ahead are the overgrown parts of the facility. I can try to reroute the elevator again... if it holds up. There is an office area nearby from the same time period when AEGIS was first installed, maybe we can get some information from there!
  • So, I was right! When a test subject destroyed...HER, this whole place fell into disrepair. I don’t exactly know if everything is working properly anymore, but we don’t have a choice.
  • Ah, it worked. It’s blind here.
  • Oh no nono! There’s some stuff here blocking the path for the elevator. Hold on for emergency brakes!
  • Just, climb on out of there and let’s get moving.
  • Woah! That was close! You could have been in there! Oh wait, you just were!
  • Oooh, these are the old offices I was talking about before. The humans left these behind when SHE gassed them with neurotoxin. Because this is an abandoned track it’s no longer connected to the rest of the computer systems. AEGIS shouldn’t be able to lock us out here. These computers should contain a lot of useful information for us.
  • Alright! Time to start hacking into these systems.
  • Let’s start guessing passwords! Erm… password?
  • admin?
  • Oh, come on! Letmein?
  • Were these passwords generated by super geniuses? 123456?
  • What! All these passwords are the same usually. 0000?
  • Oh, for crying out loud! I didn’t even get a warning siren this time?! This thing must be laughing at me now. I know these aren’t sentient but still ...gaaah! blackmesasucks?
  • Seriously? Hold on...I think I just got locked out. I’m getting something that says 'Contact administrator for additional support.' What administrator?! There’s no one left in the facility! All we have left are cores! There’s no way I just failed hacking this thing. I hacked AEGIS and hacked the nanobots to keep my testing track alive, but somehow I can’t hack something as simple as a few computers in a big room? Gaaaaaah! I think it’s the plants. It must be the plants that are interfering with my wi-fi or something. You know what? If I stare at it long enough my wi-fi nodes will override something. Maybe. I’ll give it a shot.
  • Doesn’t seem to be working.
  • … I’m sure I’m making some progress...no, wait...that’s just a screensaver...
  • I think the computer fell asleep…
  • Is…Is this thing on? Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Oh, right, you can’t answer. [clears throat] I’m so sorry, computer, laptop or server. There was a...a slight problem with some AEGIS guy. Don’t worry, though, the reasons I’m trying to access you are completely totally legitimate!
  • Gah! Wh-What the? I’m in? How’d that happen? I-I must be a genius!
  • D-Did you just...override the admin controls?...
  • Oh, I should also let you know. I won’t be able to move around much. Management rails are kind of non-existent here. Unless I wanna fall off another one and end up back in the junkyard, you won’t be seeing much of me right now.
  • Alright, there is a lot of information stored in these computers. It’ll take me some time to sort through these and come up with a plan so we can get rid of AEGIS. According to the systems, the toxic goo is still rising. You should continue to move through the tests and upwards, keep your feet dry!
  • I sorted through some of the stuff, so many cat pictures, but I also got some more serious information. AEGIS thinks we killed the scientists. So, it’s activating some sort of kill order. It’s going to flood the Enrichment Center, probably with all that goo, to eliminate any and all threats. That means you, that means me, and that means whatever that last thing is. So I’d suggest we keep moving.
  • Well, it seems that we won’t be able to stay in the plant-filled test chambers much longer. It seems to be able to adapt to our actions quite well. We need to come up with a plan to take him on head-on. But leave that to me, you can continue solving these tests.
  • Hey, Mel! You have no idea how hard it is to move around here! Anyway, remember those old turrets from all the way at the bottom of the facility? Those guys have no security systems installed, it should be really easy to re-program them to destroy AEGIS instead of humans! If we get down to a turret production line we might be able to produce friendly turrets!
  • What’s with all those people obsessed about a silly hoop? It’s just a hoop! Just a small circle of metal…
  • Well done, test subjects rated that as one of the hardest tests in this track. I heard that it was made by two particularly cruel scientists.
  • Just down there should be your way out.
  • I’m still sorting through all those files. There’s terabytes of e-mails. I’m trying to find something that can help us… Did you know you can increase the size of your core in just two easy steps?
  • So, apparently, the records on these computers are kind of...severely out of date. I think I can recompile a new version of this testing track’s sequence!
  • Alright, a quick update. Compiling maps apparently takes quite some time! At least the turrets from old Aperture are still coming up. Just a pity the toxic goo is coming up too.
  • erm… em… did you… erm… by any chance… erm... get that core’s serial number? I erm… am asking for a … friend! Yes, friend!
  • We’re getting closer and closer to the production facilities. AEGIS is secured behind a whole series of safety protocols, one of them being a custom turret production facility. It makes new turrets all the time to make sure that his defense is as up to date as possible.
  • Looks like AEGIS is still pumping up the toxic goo out of the salt mines. It’s flooded the lower chambers and is rising fast. We don’t have much time. We’ve got to stop it.
  • Nice, the compile finished. Let’s see… this is the final working test chamber. The next one is broken, but it should give us an opportunity to get to AEGIS. We might need to go through a cube production facility first though.
  • The next chamber is the broken one. From there on you’ll have to move fast, because that’s the last chamber with plants in it.
  • Hey we’re finally at the production facility. I’ve been able to find a rail a bit further on, I’ll meet you up ahead!
  • Good! You should find a way out of this test chamber before your portal gun’s black hole violently implodes! I mean...uh...Anyway, beyond one of these walls are catwalks leading to the end of a manufacturing line.
  • We’ll be going through the Weighted Storage Cube manufacturing. It’s now or never. We’ve got to make our move on AEGIS and destroy it, before this whole place floods. Once you get out there, though, it’ll have a bead on you in minutes, so we can’t stop moving.
  • That was quick! Better keep moving...
  • This is the room where they test if cubes are actually able to press buttons. It’s some vital testing. A cube that can’t press buttons is a total waste!
  • You should be able to slip through the door if it opens. Don’t stay too long though; those doors will close with 5000 pounds of pressure.
  • Did you know that Aperture Science Weighted Storage cubes have to be bulletproof?
  • Well, that cube wasn’t strong enough.
  • Only 66% of all the cubes produced here are strong enough.
  • What a waste of effort…
  • The human offices are up those stairs. There are no cameras in this part of the facility, so AEGIS won’t be able to trap us. Still, we got to take him out if you want to leave this place. Anyways, if you go through the offices I’ll go through the service areas.
  • Oh, there you are! I thought somehow you managed to get lost. Anyway, we’re almost at AEGIS’s part of the facility. Mind your head here, those metal plates will hurt if they hit you. Can you believe it takes six of those plates to make ONE cube?! Ridiculous!
  • AEGIS’s lair… what an impressive sight.
  • The power’s been cut off here, but I think I can help. Just...give me a moment...
  • Yes! That worked! Let’s get going.
  • This reminds me of the day I ended up falling down into those junkyard offices. Dark room, no lights, hit the end of a management rail and down I went. Luckily I found you still alive in that vault, or I’d have been stuck there forever. So...thanks for that...
  • Careful! Careful!
  • There’s a hole in the floor ahead.
  • Just a bit further and we can get to the mainframe rooms.
  • There should be a lever near that door to open it up.
  • Would you kindly flip that lever?
  • Mel, if you don’t use the lever, we’re not going anywhere anytime soon.
  • Fine, fine, I see how it is! You want to drown in the toxic goo. I guess we can wait for that. Rather an anticlimax end after everything you’ve been through.
  • You ready, Mel?
  • Um...look...Mel...I just wanted to say something. I...I couldn’t have done any of this without your help. If it wasn’t for you, I’d still be stuck down there in the junkyard offices, probably my battery back-up would have run out in a few days. So...thanks...When all this is done, there’s an escape elevator that I can use to get you back to the surface, something the scientists put in for quick escape in case AEGIS went rogue. I can’t bring it down...until AEGIS is turned off...so, if you want to escape, we’ve really got to do this...
  • So...let’s get this done. Whatever happens...I believe in you, really.
  • Alright, so in order to get to the AEGIS core we need to turn on the power, unlock the doors and replace the turrets. Once that’s done, we should have a clear shot at AEGIS. Let’s get going!
  • Every vent in here is filled with those turrets. We pulled up every last one of them a long time ago!
  • OK, Mel, I’m reading that the generators are offline. Only way that the security systems can come online, is to turn on those generators. But, according to my research, the manual start-up is over in the control room for generator 2...and it’s locked. The control room for generator 1 has a manual security override though. Give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen?
  • OK, I was wrong, I was wrong! That was a bad idea! The security system kicked in. You can’t open the doors from the inside anymore! Hurry! Find a way to turn that other generator on and then get out of here!
  • W-Wait...you just...how did you?...Well, I guess manual bypass does work, doesn’t it? Good work. That’s the first part. The security systems are now...online...wait, I didn’t think this through, did I?
  • Aaaaaaaand alright, now that we have the power turned on, we need to go to the security room overlooking the bridge to the AEGIS core. Now that the security doors have unlocked, we should be able to get there.
  • Alright, so...I think that might not be as easy as I once thought. AEGIS has done...quite a lot of redecorating on those catwalks. Good thing you’ve got a portal gun...
  • These things have turrets?!
  • Watch it, he’s got another one coming! And I think this one took out the catwalks before! Avoid those turrets and get to the security room!
  • Ah, great, you’re there. There should be a switch around in this room. Once you flip it, AEGIS’s main security systems will go down. Then it should be a straight shot to the core!
  • Ah, right, the turrets. Well, it seems he’s diverted all the power that was going to the death fizzlers into the turret production. Which...hang on, that’s not so bad. Get back to the elevator room. Time to turn the tables on AEGIS.
  • Alright, all that’s left is those turrets. Remember how we pumped up the old turrets? This is where they might get useful. Head to the manufacturing line.
  • OK, here’s the plan. We’ve got to take the turret production line down. So, there’s about three ways I know to do this. The first should be easy and works most of the time. Go into the scanner area and take the turret out. Without a model, the turrets can’t be built!
  • So, that didn’t work. Computer’s got a template stored. Which leads us to solution number two. Use one of the old turrets to overwrite the template. I can reprogram it to not shoot you, and before you know you’ve got an army!
  • Erm, scratch that idea. Apparently there are no diversity vents here. Which means I can’t bring one in. I guess pumping up those turrets was a total waste of time. Lovely. So, third idea. We’ve gotta override the targeting system of these ones...manually. There is a targeting control room. It’s nearby. Just be ready to run. I’ll get the door open!
  • See you on the other side! And just remember! The Nuremberg Olympics!
  • Ah, there you are! I knew all that track running would do you good some day! Look, that wood model is what’s causing the turrets to shoot at humans. If you replace it, with something else they’ll shoot that instead!
  • Maybe try the server template?
  • Place the wooden server in the scanner, that should make it shoot servers instead of humans!
  • Oh my! You’re clever! Now the turrets will target the server banks instead of you! If we wait a little bit all the turrets in this part of the facility should be replaced, allowing you to finally destroy AEGIS.
  • Why don’t you test if the re-programming worked? Stand in front of the model. One of two things will happen. The first... they won’t shoot you. The second... erm… well, it shouldn’t come to that! Just trust me!
  • Alright! That worked! I knew that would work! Totally knew it’d work…
  • Hmm, well, anyway, the turrets are ours now. Now, get back to the elevator room again. Time to bring the fight to him.
  • Oh, forgot to mention, those turrets were automatically replaced by the system, as it read that there was an update to the turrets’ targeting systems. Every update, they get replaced to make sure the turrets are the most up-to-date they can be. And to prevent hacking.
  • That’s the Emergency Exit Elevator. Once we shut down AEGIS we should be able to use it to get you out of here! Unfortunately, there are no management rails in there, so you’ll have to do it without me. Don’t worry though, I’ll be watching from back here and help you if needed.
  • Alright, Mel, this is it. This is AEGIS’s server room. Get ready for this. It won’t give up without a fight...
  • Well, it seems that he’s booting up his security. He doesn’t seem to know about the turrets yet, he’ll be in for quite a shock!
  • That door seems to be locked, try the other side.
  • Look at the damage that pumping up the water did! Almost a quarter of his servers are completely destroyed. Not bad for a simple maintenance core! Anyways, try to find a way to the back of the room. There is a turret dispenser over there.
  • Look up! There’s a portal surface above the water pipe. You should be able to use that to cross over to the other side.
  • Careful, the water is electrified.
  • Yes! It’s working! The turrets are shooting the servers! Grab that turret and destroy the rest of them!
  • Good you destroyed them all! I can unlock the other side now!
  • That doesn’t sound good…
  • Crap! He got his hands on the old turrets! Those still have the old targeting parameters! Gah, why’d I pump those useless things up?! Watch yourself!
  • Okay Mel, this is it. You have just a few minutes before all the oxygen is gone. If you can’t shut him down before he shuts you down, the entire facility will flood with the toxic goo that he’s still pumping up.
  • What are you waiting for?! Keep moving those turrets around!
  • Mel, we don’t have much time left. Hurry!
  • The entire facility depends on you!
  • I don’t want to drown in goo...
  • Great job! That’s half the servers on this side blown up. There are a few more upstairs, go destroy them too!
  • Get upstairs!
  • Watch the turrets!
  • Only the turrets in the room on the other side remain. You’ll have to fling yourself in there.
  • Try to get into the other upstairs room!
  • This is it. If you can get inside the mainframe and shut it down, we’ll be home free. You can leave, and I can live forever! So, whenever you’re ready, get in the mainframe and shut him down and stop the toxic goo from flooding the facility. You should be able to fling yourself on top of him. There’s a hatch on him you can open to manually shut it down from the inside.
  • That seems to be the user control interface. You can control its entire functions from here. I can walk you through some of what you need to do. First things first, stop the toxic goo from pumping up. We should be able to contain it in test shaft LIMA WHISKEY.
  • Wait, Mel, before shutting this thing down completely, remember that there was a third target it was trying to take out? Well, we’re not three, unless you can tell me otherwise. Try to see what you can do. Type 'ping_target_list.'
  • Am...Am I reading that right? Was this thing tr-trying to destroy HER? It was targeting GLaDOS?! Mel...what have we done? GLaDOS killed every scientist in this facility before being destroyed by a tenacious test subject. This thing, AEGIS...it was trying to finish the job and flood the facility to destroy her. Mel...we might just have given GLaDOS a chance to get back in power. I can’t believe it! How could we have done that?! Why didn’t I see it sooner?! [sigh]
  • Well, if you want to get out of here, now is your best chance, you don’t want to be around when SHE comes back online. You should shut down AEGIS now.
  • Needs a passcode? It should be around here somewhere. Take a look around.
  • Ah! There, try that.
  • 20-56. I’ve seen that number around a lot in this place. Strange...
  • It’s done. AEGIS is in final shutdown sequences. Mel, come back to the lift. I can get you out of the facility.
  • Okay Mel, the elevator is in lockdown until you put the portal gun in the incinerator over there.
  • Mel, I just wanted to say something. Thank you...thank you so much. Really, if it weren’t for you, I would’ve drowned at the offices in the junkyard. I’m so sorry about lying to you in the beginning. It was a pretty bad Cave Johnson impression. [nervous laugh] Anyway, this thing should take you out of here, back to your normal life. Well, whatever you can call normal by this point. I don’t know exactly what’s out there, but it should be better than what’s down here. So, just, enjoy the rest of your life.
  • Look, the elevator is here. See ya later, Mel.

AEGIS[edit | edit source]

  • Scanning LIMA WHISKEY 70% complete. No vital signs detected, initiating flooding procedure.
  • Detecting power surge at Sub-basement station 26. Threat level: moderate. Activating security protocols.
  • Detecting security override at Sub-basement 26. Generator override command initiated.
  • ERROR ERROR. Scanning for life forms. Unregistered life forms detected in facility. Commencing termination program. Three targets acquired, one organic, two mechanical.
  • Toxic contaminant level from Testing Track Lima Whiskey rising. Time to contact with Enrichment Center: To be determined. Flooding procedure commencing.
  • Power surge detected in Test Chamber Virgil-01. Assuming automated control of entire testing track.
  • Unknown sector detected. Removing immediate threat.
  • Elevator descending to exit 1 of Testing Track Virgil.
  • Hard light bridge control center activating. Hard light bridges coming online. Toxic contaminant level from Testing Track Lima Whiskey rising. Estimated time to contact with Enrichment Center: 25 minutes.
  • Threat level of unknown organic life form: moderate. Continue Tracking.
  • Intrusion alert in Aperture Employee Guardian and Intrusion System. Threat level of unknown mechanical infiltration No. 2: Maximum
  • Activating AEGIS Firewall.
  • Target, one organic, one mechanical, reacquired for termination. Security measures at 75%. Alert status: Red.
  • Toxic goo from Testing Track Lima Whiskey contact with Enrichment Center Sub-basement Level 10. Flooding procedures commencing.
  • Trap panel opening.
  • ALERT, water detected at servers. Server damage detected. Reduced processing power available.
  • Elevator car 77, testing track direction compromised. Alert status: 100%. Rerouting remaining servers to biological tracking.Target lost.
  • Target reacquired, scanning recommencing.
  • Opening panels near biological target.
  • Error. Error. Pit bottom detected. Subroutines unable to control.
  • Scans indicate target in elevator shaft, activating trap elevator.
  • Target captured, neutralizing.
  • Construction subroutine controlled. Installing additional hazards.
  • ERROR ERROR! Test successfully completed, resetting execution. Increasing test difficulty.
  • Organic threat escaping new test chamber. Escape contingency not in place.
  • Biological scan initiated. Seeking one organic target at threat level 100%.
  • ERROR ERROR, tracking on target failed. Heavy organic interference.
  • Interference with biological scanners. Recalibrating sensors.
  • Organic threat presence shown on scanners. Reacquiring target.
  • Organic threat and mechanical threat number one detected in central hub. Countermeasures activating.
  • Scanners detecting organic and mechanical target. Control over test chambers granted. Executing.
  • Execution number one failed, preparing new ambush.
  • Aperture Employee Guardian and Intrusion System core mainframe security at 20%. External intrusion detected. All remaining power diverted to turret Manufacturing Line. Production increasing to 350 percent.
  • Organic target detected in quarantined operations center. Preparing Localized execution procedures.
  • Dispensing turrets, executing target.
  • Turret targeting parameters compromised. Searching for alternative defensive measures.
  • Uncompromised turrets found. Deploying archived turrets.
  • Initiating asphyxiation program. Draining oxygen.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration in t-minus 8 minutes.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration in t-minus 7 minutes.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration in t-minus 6 minutes.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration in t-minus 5 minutes.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration in t-minus 4 minutes.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration in t-minus 3 minutes.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration in t-minus 2 minutes.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration in t-minus 1 minute.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration in t-minus 30 seconds.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration in t-minus 10 seconds.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration in t-minus 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
  • Lethal oxygen concentration reached.
  • Server capacity degrading. 50% online.
  • 25% of servers remaining.
  • Server health critical.
  • Activating traps.
  • Withdrawing additional turrets.
  • Flooding procedure continuing.
  • Security placement offline.
  • Final security breached.
  • Error. Error. Automatic server control failing. All non-vital systems terminating. Power redirecting to manual control. User input required. Voice controls deactivating in 3...2...1...
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